“I have perceived among the youths, a young
man lacking sense, passing along the street near
her corner, taking the road to her
house” (Proverbs 7: 7-8 )
Marriage – a lifetime covenant, an irrevocable oath reconized by GOD, man and spirits, separable only by death. With this truth in mind, a man has to be very careful and wise when considering marriage. And if you follow the counsel of GOD, HE will go before you to lead you to the right path.
NOTE: This is not a sexist post. It’s only a guide for men intending to get married.
So here’s the 10 women to avoid when considering marriage:
1. THE UNBELIEVER: Scripture is replete with
exhortations against such marriages (in both the
Old and New Testaments). Contrary to popular
misconception, God’s prohibition against
marriages to foreign women in the Old Testament
was not due to racism. Instead, God was simply
preventing the spread of idolatry. Israel, God’s
chosen people in the Old Testament, represented
what Christians would later represent in the New
Testament. Hence, God’s prohibition against
marrying an unbelieving woman in the New
Testament (2 Cor 6:14) is simply the extension of
God prohibiting a Hebrew man from from
marrying a Canaanite woman in the Old
Testament (Deut 7:3-4). “Do not intermarry with
them. Do not give your daughters to their sons
or take their daughters for your sons, for they
will turn your children away from following ME
to serve other gods, and the LORD’s anger will
burn against you and will quickly destroy
you” (Deut 7:3-4).
What then, is a believer? A Christian essentially
is someone who believes in the gospel of Jesus
Christ. What then, is the gospel? The gospel is:
1. God is holy, loving, and just. He therefore,
must condemn all sinners to punishment in the
flames of eternal hell; 2. You and I are all
sinners who deserve nothing but God’s wrath in
hell after our deaths; 3. God loved humanity so
much that He sent His only Son, Jesus (who was
fully God and fully man), to die on the cross for
your sins. Jesus paid the debt for your sins and
absorbed God’s wrath on your behalf. 3 days
later, Jesus resurrected from the dead; 4. If you
repent (turn from) all your sins and personally
put your faith in Jesus Christ as your Lord, God
and Savior, then you will have eternal life.
2. THE DIVORCEE: Jesus clearly taught that unless
the first marriage ended due to a partner’s sexual
infidelity, a second marriage is to be considered
invalid and adulterous. A divorced woman, therefore, is
off limits for a Christian man. Unrepentant
adultery being a sin that prevents one from
obtaining eternal life (1 Cor 6:9). “If she
divorces her husband and marries another, she
commits adultery” (Mark 10:12). “And I say to
you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual
immorality, and marries another, commits
adultery” (Matthew 19:9).
3. THE OLDER WOMAN: Not a sin, but certainly
not God’s ideal. God expects men to be the
spiritual leaders of the home (Eph 5:25) and it
certainly requires an extra measure of grace to
lead a woman who’s older than you. Again, if
you’re a man and you’re already in such a
marriage, then honor it till the day you die–it’s
still a valid marriage and divorce is not an
option! However, if you’re not yet married but
thinking about an older woman I want to remind
you that God intentionally (with good reason!)
created Adam before Eve in the First Marriage.
Scripture informs us that God created man first
chronologically for the sake of authority! Listen:
“I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise
authority over a man; rather, she is to remain
quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve” (1
Timothy 2:12-13). Evidently, within the First
Marriage, God intended chronology (age) to be a
reason for authority.
Apparently, even secular researchers are now
beginning to discover results that back up God’s
wisdom as demonstrated in the Bible:
“If you’re a woman two or more years
older than your husband, your marriage
is 53 percent more likely to end in
divorce than if he was one year younger
to three years older.” (Source: Rebecca
Kippen, Bruce Chapman and Peng Yu,
“What’s Love Got to Do With It? Homogamy
and Dyadic Approaches to Understanding
Marital Instability,” Melbourne Institute of
Applied Economic and Social Research,
2009.)
4. THE FEMINIST: There’s no room within
Christendom for the “Christian feminist.” Though
women and men have equal value in the eyes of
God (Gal 3:28), they certainly have different God-
given roles. Any woman who tries to usurp her
husband’s authority or even claims to be a co-
leader with her man is gravely dishonoring the
God who created her to be subject and obedient
to her husband (Eph 5:22, Col 3:18, 1 Pet 3:1).
Eve was distinctly created “for” man, a point that
the apostle Paul makes abundantly clear in 1
Corinthians 11 when he writes, “For man was not
made from woman, but woman from man.
Neither was man created for woman, but woman
for man.” (1 Corinthians 11:8-9). Men, your wife
is to be your “helper” (Gen 2:18)–not your leader
and certainly not your equal in terms of
authority. Look for a woman who agrees with
you in this very vital God-ordained relational
dynamic.
5. THE IMMODEST-DRESSER : Sexy might
inadvertently catch your eyeballs, but it
shouldn’t catch your heart. The way that a
woman is willing to expose herself says much
about her heart:
“And behold, the woman meets
him, dressed as a prostitute, wily of
heart” (Proverbs 7:10).
The text in Proverbs
explains that a woman will dress in a certain way
to catch a certain type of man. Don’t be that
man. Don’t be the fool who’s led by his
hormones instead of the Holy Spirit. Remember:
you want godly, not gaudy.
6. THE GOSSIPER/SLANDERER: Women may love to
talk, but there’s wisdom in looking for a woman
who speaks with wisdom. Gossip and slander are
not good things to have in your marriage.
Desperate housewives make for desperate
husbands. “Besides that, they learn to be idlers,
going about from house to house, and not only
idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying
what they should not.” (1 Timothy 5:13).
7. THE CHILDBIRTH AVOIDER: Do not marry a
woman who is not willing to have children of her
own. In the Christian worldview, there is
absolutely no room for two married, biologically
capable, human beings to remain intentionally
child-less. If you are adverse towards having
children, then there’s a simple remedy for that:
single-hood. However, if God has called you to
marriage, then He actually expects children.
Both the New and Old Testaments are very clear
on this teaching: “Did he not make them one,
with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And
what was the one God seeking ? Godly
offspring” (Malachi 2:15). “Yet she will be saved
through childbearing—if they continue in faith
and love and holiness, with self-control” (1
Timothy 2:15).
8. THE WANDER-LUSTER: There’s nothing wrong
with the occasional family vacation. There is
something very wrong with a girl who regularly
needs to be “out of the home.” The constant
desire for new experiences, new places, new
faces, and new forms of entertainment only
serves to clearly manifest the fact that the
woman has not found her rest in God. Believe it
or not, Scripture speaks repeatedly about such
women: “She is loud and wayward; her feet do
not stay at home ” (Proverbs 7:11); “Besides,
they get into the habit of being idle and going
about from house to house . And not only do
they become idlers, but also busybodies who talk
nonsense, saying things they ought not to” (1
Timothy 5:13).
9. THE CARIEER-FIRST WOMAN: Now, I want to
clarify something here. There is nothing wrong
with a woman who works (Acts 16:14), what’s
wrong is a woman who puts her career ahead of
her family. Modern society might hate
to hear this, but God made men to be the
providers and women to be the nurturers of the
home (in most instances). It’s okay for a woman
to be a doctor, attorney, or any other
professional. However, if her career is coming at
the expense of her home, then something is
wrong. If day-care is raising her young children
while she’s working, then something is wrong. I
understand that there might be a season of life
where the wife might have to be the main bread-
winner due to her husband’s unemployment, but
it should not be the desired norm. The woman
ought to be willing (and even desirous–to some
extent) to give up her job for the sake of raising
her kids in the Lord. “So I counsel younger
widows to marry, to have children, to manage
their homes and to give the enemy no
opportunity for slander” (1 Tim 5:14).
10. THE DEVOTION-LESS WOMAN : Is the woman
having a regular, daily devotional time with her
God? If she doesn’t love the Lord now, chances
are, she won’t love the Lord after marriage.
(Don’t delude yourself–you’re not going to
change her.) You want to marry a girl who has
an intimate relationship with Jesus. Jesus (not
you) has to be the first man in her life. Here are
some good questions to ask: Does she have an
active prayer life? Does she have a heart for
evangelism? Is she hungry for God’s Word?
What does her pastor think about her?
Do you remember this account from Scripture:
Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a
village. And a woman named Martha welcomed
him into her house. [39] And she had a sister
called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and
listened to his teaching. [40] But Martha was
distracted with much serving. And she went up to
him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my
sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to
help me.” [41] But the Lord answered her,
“Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled
about many things, [42] but one thing is
necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion,
which will not be taken away from her.” (Luke
10:38-42 ESV)
Marry the Mary (no pun intended). Such women
have picked “…the good portion, which will not
be taken away” from them. God be with you
men. Strong families start with strong wives.
Choose wisely and choose in the Lord!
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