How come there are so many unmarried girls everywhere? Thirty-five-year old beautiful and serious-minded girls single and the men have their backs turned against them? Well brought-up girls who work as hard as men, sometimes harder can no longer find husbands.
The men have not relocated. In fact, they are single and available. To worsen my worries, there are weddings taking place, not just every Saturday but virtually on every day of the week. So why is the world full unmarried big girls? I’m not so liberal or liberated (whatever that is supposed to mean) as to join those who say marriage is not the ultimate for a woman.
Marriage, of course, can be such a headache sometimes but it’s largely good although once in a while I must confess, every wife feels like running away. Apart from all the nice things a husband does for you, who will you quarrel with ever so regularly if not a husband?
Who will you vent your anger on if you get a query in the office and who’d console you when you drive your car into a ditch once in a while? A husband is ever so handy.
Am I making husbands sound like some domestic hand? Well, if the woman is the domestic ‘body’, why can’t her husband be the domestic ‘hand’. You know a hand and a body can do wonderful things together, non? Good. I remember once when my late husband was transferred to Abuja and the kids and I had to live without him for first time. It was tough.
It was then I realized I’d never until then had to go to the bank to pay school fees. I had never been to NEPA office to pay electricity bill. I didn’t know how to switch on the generator. I found I had to do more than buy fuel for my car for it to run. I had to deal with mechanics and plumbers. It wasn’t funny. Of course, the house was without electricity supply for two weeks.
As for the single motherhood thing, it’s attractive I think, if you consider the hassles of married life but it’s still a lonely life. You still need a constant warm body, somebody to poke fun at you and joke about your unwieldy waist. Not the occasional husband you get as a single pregnant girl.
I hope this clears the air especially with those who have been sending me mails saying I’m misleading women. Marriage is good, ordained by God and I believe it should be for keeps. I don’t believe in divorce either.
So back to where we started, why are there so many single girls above 35 when the men are still in town? Is it that the men are blind or the women don’t know where to look?
Whatever, I’m going to talk to members of my constituency and I’m not going to pull my punches. Too many of my sisters growing old on the shelves made the wrong choices, took the wrong turns in the road and are today paying heavily for sins of their past.
Some of those choices may have sounded or felt right then but a right choice at the wrong time is still a wrong choice. Let me share this with you. A female colleague of mine a few years ago suddenly changed her wardrobe. She started wearing skimpy tops and trousers that left nothing to the imagination.
She took to wearing waist beads and sometimes going bra-less. I called her as a concerned friend and asked what happened to decent dressing. What did she hope to gain by flaunting her cleavage every day of the week. She said to me, ‘it’s what my fiancé wants.’
Not one for diplomatic lines on issues like that, I told her the guy had no plans for marriage or even one year with her beyond then. I told her a man who wants a woman for a wife doesn’t tell her to bare her boobs for all to see. My poor friend didn’t know she wasn’t more than a sex toy on display. She fell for her sick fiancé’s tricks.
She was single then and is still single now. I know girls must have fun but there is a time to draw the line and grow up. But not some of my sisters. They go into relationships that from day one are dumb stuff.
What does a 25-year-old girl need flings for? A single woman is like an evening market, the time frame for searching is short, limited. If you know anything about village evening markets, you’d know that they do not last longer than three hours. Such is the ‘lifespan’ of a woman in search of marriage.
You make hay while the sun shines. A good girl with her head screwed on tight does not stay in or go into a relationship that’s not heading for the altar. Of what use is a man who can’t promise you forever? Why invest your precious years on a man who is not at the risk of that thing called menopause?
But not my sisters. They are into ‘aristos’ and married men even at 37!
It’s absolutely crazy. Some join harems of girlfriends and stay on the queue like they are at a supermarket’s pay point. Strike the iron while it’s hot and if you can’t heat up the iron, move on girl. A girl with marriage on her mind should date a man with marriage on his mind.
If he wants a fling, let him go look elsewhere, and parents, do tell your daughters that flings are for fools. It is when a girl has misspent her youth that she begins to point accusing fingers in the direction of everybody but herself. A woman who at 30, is in a relationship that can’t lead to marriage is an idiot if she does not move on.
The one who at 32 is dating a married man is a bigger idot but the biggest idiot is the one dating an ‘aristo’ openly. A male colleague told me of how he used to admire and pant after a female reporter who was a great combination of brain and beauty. He told a few friends over a few bottles after production and they pulled his ears.
“The beautiful brainy reporter belonged to the Managing Director and if you want to keep your job, leave the girl for the big boy upstairs,” they told him. He was heart-broken but he took his friends’ advice.
Our brainy reporter stayed with the Managing Director for years. Everybody knew she was ‘spoken for’. All the eligible guys stayed clear of her. She warmed Oga’s bed.
Oga kept his wife happy, made babies who today are all studying abroad. Our reporter has grown old. The eligibles have all gotten married. The M.D can’t marry her. She’s alone, single at 43 because she has been a fool for so long it’s almost too late to try wisdom.
Whose fault is it that she’s not married? And there are things a single girl who intends to marry should not do or be caught doing.
Why do some of my sisters think men with whom they drink beer will take them to the altar? Drinking alcohol in public is not really becoming of a ‘good girl’. Cocktail, yes.
A glass of wine is classy but matching your male friends beer bottle for beer bottle is stupid. Trust guys, they will hail you for being a ‘hard girl’ but when they are drawing up the list of girls they can take home to ‘mama’, you are not a contender. If you drink alcohol, you must not advertise it, girl. It’s top secret.
Don’t be confused by men’s oh-so-sophisticated attitude, they know wife materials and girls who drink or smoke aren’t what they want. What do you think friends?
My sisters need to have a rethink especially those who can still make amends. And guys, you can complete this piece by letting us know all those other things that you know have increased the population of single but successful girls.
Written by Funke Egbemode
